Lonnie, we have to talk. People have been losing interest in our runway shows lately, and I think I know why. Do you know why people come to fashion shows?

Sure, Boss. To see the hot new clothes for the next season?

No! They come to be insulted. They want us to treat them like utter crap, so they can leave feeling totally degraded, and we haven’t been giving them enough of that.

Well, Lon, that’s going to change.  Today we’re giving them a shirtless model looking like he’s had the snot beat out of him, and a guy dressed like a homeless man with a grocery cart…

Er, you sure about this, Boss?

You bet I’m sure! Also, a model will stand there with a bloody nose and humiliate them with verbal abuse. Great stuff, huh?

Jeez, Boss. If that’s the level of audience contempt you’re aiming for, why not just take some guy, put him in orange shoes and purple pants and suspenders, and have him go out there holding his own crotch?

Lonnie, I could just kiss you, ya big lug! Someday, you’ll own this company!

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Top left and top right: Models present creations as part of the Dsquared2 Fall/Winter 2010/11 Men’s collection during Milan Fashion Week January 19, 2010. REUTERS/Alessandro Garofalo

Top center and lower right: Models display creations as part of the Vivienne Westwood Fall/Winter 2010/11 Men’s collection during Milan Fashion Week January 17, 2010. REUTERS/Alessia Pierdomenico

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